Appearances

Today, I'm going to steal borrow my home-girl Kimi's blog confession topic, and talk about appearances. My confession: I don't have it all together. I know, some of you may find this surprising. KIDDING. This also ties into a conversation that Andrew and I had the other day about insecurities. I have insecurities. A list of them. Try as I may, or pretend as I may, I'm not perfect. Nobody is. And like Kimi said, it's easy to stalk read blogs, Facebook or look at your group of friends and think that they have it all together. The perfect house. The perfect job. The perfect family. The perfect clothes. Once you walk down the comparison lane, it's a dead end to discontentment. 

So, I'm here to confess a few things that make me human, flawed, and just plain a little crazy from time to time. See that sweet little kitten up there? Sometimes I look more like the lion staring you down in the mirror. Not so sweet or cuddly. 

I am a bit of a neat freak. I like my house to look a certain way (like a page from Better Homes and Gardens) and I go to great lengths to keep it looking that way (most of the time). Despite living with a messy roommate husband who is not as concerned with housekeeping as I am. It is a bit of a challenge. And I know it drives him nuts.

Which brings me to the fact that I am a very impatient person. I like things done. Now. Not 10 minutes from now. Not 2 days from now. Now. And on top of that, I shouldn't have even had to ask you to do it. You should just know to do it. How's that for crazy? 

I tend to be a "keeper" of things. Not by any means a hoarder, I just have a hard time letting go of things that may come in handy in the future. It's the curse of a creative mind. For example, I might keep an empty oatmeal container to use as a storage can for something, even though I already have 5 of them. Or the box that something came in, just in case I ever need to pack it back up again. Or the empty milk jug to use for a craft. And don't get me started about saving plastic bags. I guess it's the packaging designer in me. Can't...put...it...in...the...trash...

I am stubborn. I admit it. Very stubborn. The same 4 year old that told her parents they could spank her and she wouldn't cry, still lives inside of me. I have a very difficult time admitting when I am wrong. That poses some challenges when you're married. Thankfully, Andrew is more patient than I am. We have arguments and we disagree at times, but we always work it out and forgive each other. 

I am mildly obsessed with clothes and usually have to be "put together" before I leave the house. I rarely go anywhere without makeup on. And forget going shopping in sweats. I just feel "undone" if I throw something on to go out anywhere. And then, without fail, I will run into someone I know, and regret not being more put together. I like fashion and I like looking nice. All the time. Is that a crime? Perhaps it's a bit high maintenance. 

Which brings me to insecurities. I care too much about what people think. I want people to like me. I want to appear "cool" and "put together" even if I'm not. I worry that I might say the wrong thing. Or not be outgoing or funny enough. I worry that I'm too quiet. I tend to be more of an introvert. I worry that I'm not a good enough wife/sister/daughter/friend/artist. Insecurities can drive you crazy - if you let them. 

Now that I've shared a few confessions of my own, I hope you see a little more of the real me. I don't have it all figured out. I have freak outs and meltdowns and bad days. I also have so much to be thankful for and so much good in my life. Which I attribute to a loving God who accepts me as I am, and cares for me just the same. I also have a husband and family that loves me and friends that I cherish. What more could I ask for? 

Thanks for the great topic Kimi :)